Text by M.
It has taken some time to get here, however, now that I have arrived to this particular spot in my life, I am looking back at all my special pearls.
I wasted so many of my pearls on people who said they loved & cared for me. The things I did in the past are the things that I chose for me at that time.
Now in this time I have changed. I've grown. My needs now are not the same needs that I had back then.
Now wait, don't get ahead of me. My needs have been changing the entire time since I've been conceived, I started growing at that very moment. I no sooner learned how to grow & survive in my mother’s womb, then I learned to survive outside of my mother’s womb.
Every part of my life is about growing & learning to be my best self. My needs change, my wants change, my life changes every second of every day I am learning something new.
Now back to the pearls. I am soon going to be turning fifty-one years old & I am realizing I don't have many pearls left. There have been times when I have spent my pearls on people who did not appreciate them. If I saw someone crying, I would stop & try to fix their broken world for them.
Really hope you caught that Lol. Can I fix anybody or anybody’s world??? NO, I CANNOT FIX ANYONE OR ANYONE'S BROKEN WORLD. LOL Come on, you know what I am talking about.
Yes, I must help those who are lost & hurting at times. But I don't want them to depend on me, for after I am long gone, who is left to teach them how to do for themselves? I only bring this up because it's easy to think I am helping someone & at the same time hinder them by not teaching them how to survive the next time or the time after that.
I have been reaching out to family members lately to try to get some help with some things, even when I need to learn to do it myself. That's another thing, knowing who to reach out to, where to go for help when we Truly need it.
With Borderline Personality Disorder, I reach out a lot only to find out I totally exhausted them (it's okay, we all become a little too much for others to handle at times.)
That doesn't make them or me bad, it just means possibly bad timing or whatever. You are never too much for EVERYBODY. There will be that one person you will learn to communicate with when you are too much for someone who has things Going On in their lives lol. Another thing is, we all at times feel like we are something else lol.
Hopefully you enjoyed the story & are able to use something out of it for yourself. Enjoy your day.
Please feel free to comment or share. M. appreciates hearing from her readers.