Who is This Little Girl?

By M. 

  Do you remember being a kid, how puppies have a special puppy smell?  

  They're just tiny little babies, the thrill of seeing something that alive & smaller than you. Some puppies will play with you right away, some will take a bit longer for the puppies to trust you. 

  The word “puppies” just jumps out at you, screaming, “This is going to be so much fun.”  

  Well, lately I have been trying to just let go a little at a time. I am fifty years old & I am just learning not everything needs my attention. Yeah, you know the point you learn to mind your own business, easier said than done.  

  If you are anything like my family lol, we used to always put our two cents in if you thought you needed it or not.    

  I have always, from the time I can remember, believed in God, knowing Jesus was always with me. He would never leave me alone. He's always sent the right people at the right time. 

  Lately, I've been leaving my problems in his hands & learning to live in the moment, nothing more nothing less, sometimes only five seconds at a time, learning to redirect my thoughts in more positive & productive ways. Feeling the calmness, it usually comes just before the storm.

   Something is different this time, the calmness is almost exciting. I am curious to see who or what is around the corner. With the relaxation of a very still calming, yet curiously open to new things, comes a vision.   

  It is a vision of another little girl who was peeking her head around the corner, checking to see if it was okay or safe to come out. I don't remember this little girl.   

  See, I may have only programmed my mind to remember only bad times, so much that I don't really remember good things. While going through my thoughts, nope I don't remember her, yet she is in my family’s apartment.   

  She is quiet, she reminds me of a puppy that is still learning. She doesn't seem scared or afraid. Watching her, I am remembering the smells of the cakes my mom would bake & decorate when I was a child, to make extra money.  

   The little girl’s hair is soft, smelling of detangler my mom would spray in my hair. This little girl looks like me but there is something different, different in her play.  She is smiling, playing records on my record player.  

  She doesn't have tears running down her face, nor does she seem bothered by the noise that is going on around her. She is playing with my baby doll Joey, she is okay being inside the apartment. 

  She is a good girl, she stays right where my mom put her, who is this girl??? Where did she come from??? What is she doing at my home???   

  I realize how the little girl is taking care of the baby doll. I try to hear what she is saying to the baby doll, I can't hear her. I just see she wants to take good care of her baby doll. 

   As the little girl turns around, I realize that little girl is me. I never realized that I had a smile when I was a child. Yes, I learned to survive as a child, now I am learning to live life.