| Photo and text by Amelia Willows |
While resting my head on a blanket I folded up for a pillow so that I could take a nap without disturbing Khaleesi, or waking her up, I started to have flashbacks.
This flashback was different than most of my flashbacks. This Flashback had me all of a sudden realizing that those men who were adults when I was a child were wrong. They were old enough to know better, yet they still violated my body, my mind and my spirit. Never have I seen it so clear.
I am not sure what made the flashback appear the way it did. However, I am realizing that it was a bit freeing. After years of being told it is the way You walk, the way You dress, the way You act, You asked for it, or how about we go with the first time I told I was violated. I was told I was a liar.
With this breath I take in, I release all my anger, all my hurt and all that does not bring me peace.
These projects with Rick are helping in a lot of ways but mostly with validation and acceptanc for whom I Really am. I am enjoying writing more than I ever have. I feel my outlook on my life is changing. I know better than to think I am cured. Yet I have seen, heard and felt enough to know that I am Blessed.
I could not picture living a more beautiful life as a child or as an adult. It has taken every second of my life to get to where I am at now in my life. With that being said, I do believe I am right where the Father wants me to be at in this moment. His perfect timing will reveal his plans for me.
Until then, I must wait, listening and watching for all he brings into my life as Blessings, equipping me with armor, lessons and all the tools I need. He lovingly provides me with his wonderful timing, Reassuring me that I am trying my best in every situation that comes my way.
On that note, that means I must treat All people, my fellow neighbors, friends and family as I would want to be treated. However, don't think this will make my life fair, for not everyone is on the same journey as me or believes like I believe, and that's okay. Life would be awfully dull if we were all the same, or the world would be lopsided if we all longed to live in the same state or whatever.
Knowing my hardships are far from over, I can rest assured that the Father has my back. Sometimes I think of all the things that have gone on since I lived here, the best part has to be really showing the People all around me that the Father still Blesses, even in times of hardship. I don't like to be watched. However, I do like the people seeing me Blessed.
There is the part in the Bible that says, “He prepares a table for me in front of my enemies.” Normally I would try to shy away from this, but why? Why would I feel so bad for earning the Father's approval? NIV Psalm 23.
A psalm of David.
1 The Lord is my shepherd,(A) I lack nothing.(B)
2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,(C)
3 he refreshes my soul.(D)
He guides me(E) along the right paths(F)
for his name’s sake.(G)
4 Even though I walk
through the darkest valley,[a](H)
I will fear no evil,(I)
for you are with me;(J)
your rod and your staff,
they comfort me.
5 You prepare a table(K) before me
in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;(L)
my cup(M) overflows.
6 Surely your goodness and love(N) will follow me
all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the Lord
Normally I would feel guilty for having a meal prepared for me in front of anyone. However, at this moment I Do NOT Feel guilty, for I have tried my best to live according to the Father's plan for me. So my suggestion to myself, on days I have more emotions than usual, Remember all the things I have done right in order for me to be where I am at today.
My counseling appointment is tomorrow, I am looking forward to it. I am looking forward to hearing her thoughts on Rick's and my book.
Rick shared with me a response a literary agent sent him. It was not the right genre for this particular agent. However, we would never have known that if Rick wasn't so good at the work he does. Enjoying these emails and stories with Rick, it's really like I have something to offer, something that could help someone else out in the world like me.
These days, I often feel like I belong in the movie, "Night at the Museum." The only reason I say that is because technology has leaped into a survival Area. Hmm, now that one is hard. How on earth is my 51-year-old butt ever going to catch on? Well, the 51-year-old woman cannot do anything without the Father's Blessings, so all Praise goes to my Heavenly Father.
I am turning all of Rick's and my projects over to the Father so they may be Blessed in the Father's approval. So if you see me out at a table eating before my enemies, please note that I am very Thankful for the Table the Father has placed before me.
Take note that I am smiling from ear to ear, for the Father has chosen me to sit with him.
What are the important things to you? What do you do with it?