As the curiosity grows, so does the excitement. Since I've started writing, I have found another side to my story.
There is this little girl who looks like me, smells like me & is in my home. I realized yesterday when I was writing that there was another me. I am the serious adult six-year-old that worried A LOT. This little girl is Nothing like that.
Yes, this little girl learned to walk like me, walking very slowly, very quietly, making sure she doesn't call attention to herself, keeping a smile on all along. She laughs, she's social, she doesn't cry, she isn't afraid of the dark, she isn't afraid to use the telephone.
She isn't even worried about where my mommy is & this one isn’t afraid to leave to go have fun with my aunt!!! The little girl acts like a singer. I did too, but when she sang, she was free. When I sang, I sang to prove to others I wasn't going to let anyone hurt me.
This other little girl seems to know something that I didn't know back then. We all suffer from our own actions, however, this is just a little girl. She is not responsible for anything that is going on.
Yes, I know I love my mommy, but I cannot save her, I am just a child, a six-year-old kid learning survival.
The one I know, with tears and fears, wants to help others, to save the other people. The other girl knows that she is just a little tiny child, she isn't responsible for what's going on around her. She just keeps on playing house, playing like nothing is going on.
I am all caught up in this little girl that I am just now seeing, she is confident. She doesn't care what people say, she is who she is, nothing more nothing less. She is who she is.
This little girl is beautiful, her hair isn't a rat’s nest like mine. This little girl didn't stop trying to learn how to read after the teachers told both her parents she would never learn how to read. She didn't start reading until the third grade & then she wasn't good at it, nor am I any good at it now.
But the point is, I didn't stop now that I am seeing this. I can see where the one girl is so afraid to even move, however, the other girl just softly dances through whatever God brings her way.
This is one of the most Beautiful things I have ever seen. While living in chaos, the one is a caretaker, the other just lets the music take her from one song to the next.
Could this be real? Could I have had some type of happiness as a child I don't remember? Is this growth? Or am I just at a healthy time & place in life that I get to see things a little differently?
As a child, our parents or caretakers teach us right from wrong. We only know & understand what & where we came from, it's up to us to find the desire to learn more, do better, have fun, don't take everything so serious, learn to live & Breathe.