After finding the other side to the little girl in me, I started wondering if she could be happy. I should be able to remember something that made her happy & not scared or sad.
I start to watch so closely that I have seen her in the reflection of the mirror as I go by, realizing how pretty she is & that she & I are one in the same.
The awareness that this little girl in me, is me & that I need to take the time with that six-year-old self, to see why or how she appeared?
For reasons I didn't understand at the time, the thing I remember is how soft your (my dad's) T-shirt was, how good it smelled & how it was linked to my safety, both physically & mentally.
Your shirts would get burn holes in them from the factory ball-mold you would bake at a very high temperature. You worked on a lot of things that put holes in your t-shirts, you always allowed me to wear them at night, then as I got older you would offer me your new holey T-shirts.
I have never felt that safe in my entire life as I did the day you showed me you were my hero.
This little girl is needing me to show her love & compassion. I want to give that to her.
As April Fool's Day has arrived, I realize I've been wearing my holey T-shirts more & more, lol today I miss you. However, most days I feel like you are still here with me, your T-shirts feels like a hug that's keeps me safe.